Lessons on Repeat
#17 - Why the same lessons keep showing up until we change
I love this line from one of my long-loved books, Navigate Life by Tony Fahkry:
We are each a cause. Our thoughts attract and create circumstances. As we change, we attract different circumstances. Until we learn a lesson, we either stay stuck on the same lesson or keep getting the same lesson in different packages
We are each a cause.
Not the cause of everything in the world or of all that happens around us, but a cause in our own lives. Our thoughts, beliefs, and actions shape what we experience every day.
When life hands you the same lesson, again and again
Think about this:
You leave a job because you felt unappreciated, only to find yourself in a new role where your ideas are still ignored. Or you end a relationship because you felt unseen, then start dating someone who makes you feel the same way.
Or maybe you keep telling yourself, I’m not good enough or I always mess things up, and somehow, your life keeps confirming that story.
This is a common psychological pattern called repetition compulsion, where we unconsciously repeat familiar, often painful experiences, hoping for a different outcome or to finally master the lesson. Until we become aware and make intentional changes, the same challenges will keep showing up, just differently.
More examples:
Setting boundaries: You often say “yes” to friends, family, or work requests even when you’re already overwhelmed. This leads to burnout or feeling taken for granted. The lesson here is about learning to say “no” kindly but firmly, without guilt. Until you do, the same situations where your limits are tested will keep repeating.
Self-worth and comparison: You scroll through social media and feel “less than” compared to others’ highlight reels. This reinforces the belief that you’re not enough. Until you shift that inner story and practice self-acceptance, you’ll attract relationships and situations that reflect that low self-esteem.
Communication struggles: You avoid difficult conversations to keep the peace, but resentment quietly builds and damages relationships. Until you learn to express your feelings honestly and with kindness, misunderstandings and conflicts will keep coming back.
Impatience with progress: You start working toward a goal but quit when results don’t show up quickly enough. The lesson is to develop patience and persistence, recognizing that meaningful progress takes time. This lesson often repeats until you embrace steady effort.
Financial habits: You struggle with money because you don’t track your spending or create a budget. Without building financial awareness and discipline, money problems will keep returning.
Friendship dynamics: You often feel drained by friends because you give more than you receive and hesitate to set limits. Until you learn to prioritize your own needs and say no, this imbalance will persist.
Emotional avoidance: You shut down or distract yourself instead of dealing with uncomfortable feelings. This causes the same emotional patterns and relationship issues to recur until you face and process your emotions.
Procrastination: You keep putting off important tasks, then panic at the last minute. This cycle repeats until you learn to break big tasks into smaller steps and build consistent habits.
Change doesn’t start with the circumstances; it starts with us.
When the same challenges keep showing up, it’s not always because the world is working against us. Often, it’s because something inside us needs attention and growth. As we change our mindset and actions, we start attracting different people, situations, and opportunities that reflect the new version of ourselves.
Reflection Prompt:
What is one lesson that keeps showing up in your life, in different ways? How are your beliefs or actions keeping that lesson alive? What small step can you take to change it this week?
Remember: Just like school, you can’t move to the next grade without passing the current one.
Until the next checkpoint,
Stephanie.